Beyond the usual childhood friendships

[Laura Weldon]

So often in our society children are confined to limited spheres where their only contacts are with people very much like themselves. They're expected to have friendships with other children of the same age, class and religion. But at any age, it is when we confront the dilemmas posed by differences between us that we learn more about each other, and ultimately about ourselves. Sometimes it's uncomfortable. That's good. Interacting with all sorts of people can enliven a child's life immeasurably. In fact a rich variety of friends and mentors is a characteristic often shared by world’s leading thinkers and innovators.
I'll give an example.
My oldest son, Ben, always enjoyed hanging around with technically oriented guys no matter what age. When he was six his questions once inspired a utility lineman to offer to take Ben up in the cherry-picker basket. Ben, always cautious, refused although he let his younger sister go up in his stead. He joined a model railroad club and did much of the drudge work for the pleasure of the adult's company there, he talked on his own ham radio and increasingly had little use for kids his own age whose play consisted of acting out TV action shows.
Ben started hanging around a retired man down the street who refurbished old lawn mowers and sold them. Ben had always seen the hidden potential in broken equipment and couldn't bear to toss things in the trash, so he took everything down the street where he and this gent took apart mixers and old weed whackers. The down side? Ben became a garbage picker of all abandoned, sorrowful looking appliances. The upside? When he was ten Ben fixed a discarded lawn tractor and used it to make money mowing neighbor's lawns, including the people who had thrown it away.

Can you talk about a time when your child or a child you know has had perspective expanding relationships or out of the norm friendships? Befriended someone very different from them? Found a mentor? Turned an initial fear or dislike into a friendship?

[Ruth Radney]

My daughter, Kylia, spent several years working at a local cafe which attracts a very diverse group of people. Every morning, about 7 or 8 retired gentlemen meet for coffee and conversation. Kylia was immediately drawn to them, and always says that they were one of her favorite groups. They brought her vegetables from their gardens, told her about interesting things they had done in their lives, shared their thoughts on problems she was facing, and overall, became very close friends of hers. Now she is working at a CVS (to experience corporate America) and her favorites are still the retirees.

As she is looking at her options for college, career and life, she thinks often of those retirees who were so happy to share their time and their thoughts with her. Her number one choice for a career is to own a coffee shop, which will welcome a diverse crowd of people, making sure that retirees have a special place to meet and chat.

They have definitely enriched her life.

[Urmila Anna Samson]

I was heartened to read those stories. Nothing comes to mind right now, though my children also don't have friends in their age group or family income level. They romped about the neighbourhood with two lower income older girls when they were little. The girls were daughters of our house help. They would ride the bus to the end of the line and back to our home, making friends with the bus conductor and regular passengers (in India, the people riding public transport would be way below our income level, and therefore would not usually chat amiably!) The bus conductor couldn't get the children's unusual names, and nick named them. They in turn would yell out their nick name for him every time they saw the bus pass our gate!

Yesterday, one of the girls who is now married and with little children of her own, visited, and my 14 year old daughter, Sahya, sat on the floor with the two little children, spoke to them in their language (Marathi), brought paper and colours and they all three drew and coloured in silent companionship/communion. Those children have little access to paper and colours at home or in school. I don't think my daughter even knows that. She just intuitively did the right thing.

I know that they do not socialize with children with similar backgrounds because they have almost nothing in common. They too get along with people with similar interests of any age or income, more on the net than anywhere else. So I am just now aware that this is a new emerging social reality. I thought it was something bad/sad/I wish I could do something about it...