Children as Mirrors of Society

[Laura Weldon]

Parade season is starting again. I have a lot of time to contemplate human behavior because two of my children are in a band. Sam plays snare drum and Kirby plays bagpipes. They dress in full highland regalia---kilt, glengarry, vest, sporran, you name it. Those who participate in a parade get there about an hour before step off time and are often among the last to leave. It's a long day.

A big parade, such as the Cleveland St. Patrick's Day parade, is quite an event. Thousands of marchers. Children from different ethnic groups, their noses red from the cold, holding banners as they walk by. Riders in costume on beautiful horses. Clowns. Vintage cars. Inner city bands with percussion to stir the heart and each band member smiling. Old people marching for a cause. Religious groups from Catholics to Buddhists. Dance troupes. Politicians. Everyone walking in the wind, keeping time to music, waving to the crowd.

But I can't help but notice over the years that many children who watch parades are not expected to behave. They push their way to the front to watch, no matter if their elders have been waiting there or if they are blocking someone in a wheelchair. Some marchers toss candy into the crowd, and soon children are running into the street. At times they run right in the path of marchers. Their parents buy them whatever vendors are selling and soon there's litter of treat wrappers and the endless tooting and rattling of noisemakers in the ears of those right next to them.

Children are the mirrors of a culture. If we hold others in high regard, knowing each person's well-being is important, we teach our children to act with decency to friends as well as strangers. If, instead, we constantly seek our own gratification (out of some loss, something missing in our own lives perhaps?) then our children learn to disregard others unless they are friends or relations.

Parades may remind others of who is worth watching and who is kept on the sidelines. After all, parades say something about what we value. But I can't help but feel that it's all a grand procession. We might as well pay attention to each moment of that procession, spectacle as well as spectators. It all has meaning.

[Urmila Anna Samson]

It all has meaning. I enjoyed the picture you painted of the parade, the participants and spectators...and children running wild. In India I can imagine children (and adults) littering at a parade or other crowded public function. (There is always someone who earns a living from cleaning up after.) I can imagine tolerant adults gently or humorously drawing a child's attention to the wheelchair person or tooting in someone's ear. (Because everyone would be in high spirits and extra tolerant.) I can't imagine any except a very bold child running into the street in the path of marchers. And then parents and others would dart out a restraining hand or yell a warning. Which got me thinking that Indian children are brought up by the community. Joint families, close dwellings...the good part is everyone helps keep them socialized. The bad part is EVERYONE tries to socialize them!

(I don't know what I'm trying to say, and I have to go. I"ll be back to figure this out and what it has to do with mirrors!)

[Laura Weldon]

That's an interesting point Urmila. And it has a lot to do with what society expects, and thereby mirrors in children. If we regard children as little gadgets exclusively owned and operated by parents then no one else may intrude with comments about acceptable behavior lest they trample on the parent's rights. If instead we regard children as individuals in their own right who are also part of the larger community as they grow out from the shelter of their families, then we as a society understand that there are many times that these children need the wisdom and guidance of others around them. That doesn't mean children will always accept it!

Supposedly there's an African proverb that says, "It takes a village to raise a child." In the U.S. we've really swung in the opposite direction from that. That doesn't help our children. I remember something my husband told me he witnessed on a bus once. Some older teens got on. They were loud, rude and started to hassle another rider. Before anyone on the bus could think what to do an elderly man at the front of the bus got up. My husband thought the man was going to get off to avoid these teens, but instead this man headed to the back of the bus with his cane and went right up to the teens. He told them that they needed to act like the men they wanted to become and like men who were a credit to their race, not like hoodlums. I guess everyone held their breath expecting the old guy to face retribution. He was one frail man and there were several young teens. But the boys respected him immediately and stopped what they were doing. I think we have forgotten that all of us are elders and that we can act like it. Instead so many adults are trying too hard to look like teenagers, but that gets me off on another tangent.

I guess where I am going with the children as mirrors comment is that we bring forth, often unintentionally, what our larger society values.

[Urmila Anna Samson]

So I guess that is a mirror of our society (the part that would crowd to watch a parade - I would never venture near, and if I did, I'd keep my children safe at home! That's why we have to travel... I'm being unfair. I don't even think I've ever seen a parade or know what the crowd would be like!

[Laura Weldon]

I came across a wonderful resource called Global Oneness www.globalonenessproject.org which offers free online videos, interviews and links. One of the online videos is called Barrio de Paz, and interestingly the woman who works with the youth in that area comments that they are like mirrors to society! Every short video on the site is wonderful.

http://www.globalonenessproject.org/videos/barriodepaz

[Jessie Horne]

In working with urban high school students in a traditional high school, I'm surprised by how many parents (and other adults) don't get this about kids/teens (that they are mirrors of what our society values and also of what their parents do and do not value and teach them). One thing I notice a lot is how disconnected parents are from their kids. I think in our society, the values of individualism and independence have created a generation of parents who want to be independent of their children, but at the same time want the needs of their children met by people in society (teachers, for example) who parents think should be the role models.

I take a lot of time to process things and my thoughts often seem not to flow--or lack some clarity, maybe? So I guess I'm just starting to respond to this idea, which I really like thinking about.

[Laura Weldon]

I see complete clarity in your thoughts Jessie!

Polls really confirm what you are saying. When teens are polled they say they want more time with their parents and more depth to the relationship. They know what they need. You've really identified it with the word "disconnect." What seems to be missing is true presence. Some adults are almost acting out what they perceive as expected parenting roles but not connecting. No "I and Thou" sacredness to the relationship. My friend Christopher, who teaches at Berea High and writes wonderful papers for conferences on such topics as the Soul of Teaching* tells me the same thing, that teachers are expected to be all things.

If you get a chance, watch the Barrio de Paz video. It really says a lot about children mirroring the negativity of society. http://www.globalonenessproject.org/videos/barriodepaz



*He wrote a chapter in a book called "Holistic Learning and Spirituality in Education"
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbninquiry.asp?ean=978...

[Urmila Anna Samson]

Jesse, in this photograph are you in India? I see you in a salwar khameez along with two ladies in sarees!

Rather than be judgmental about parents, I like to figure out what happens. Due to lack of awareness, parents don't realize what changes are taking place, and when its too late they wonder how things changed. The way I see it is that perhaps most parents fall in love, fall into marriage and then fall into parenthood without much thought or planning. Some may have dreams of how love, marriage and parenthood should be, and when things don't pan out that way, they just slip into the monotony, feeling that that's reality, that's life, what can I, a mere mortal do about it.

This brings me to another subject, and I am shamelessly going to digress. I think that the reason why adults in general feel so helpless is because every time as a child, they experienced their power, someone bigger, more powerful, would bully, bribe or manipulate them into doing something else or thinking some other way. I love to let children express their power, stamp a foot and insist that clouds melt to make rain. Why is it so important for us adults to explain the three states of matter; that ice melts, that clouds are vapour and that rain is the third state which is liquid. Or that birthday can't be spelt burrda...

Back to my original topic. Since the propagation of the species carries on inevitably, which makes most of us into parents and children, I understand that many do not care much for parenthood. With great difficulty those who suffer parenthood get past the nappy and totally dependant stage of their children and can't wait to get them off to school and quickly independant. Once the close connection is lost, it is very difficult to re establish it when it is so much needed during teenage and when parents become elderly and dependant. What I would say is, this is where aware members of society can make things better. Re name schools so people can have more choices: Playhouse, History through Theatre, Music and Movement Hall, Science Exploration all Day, Math and Magic, Explore the Earth through projects and treks....whatever, I haven't really thought about it. But what is more important is that the 'teachers' should not teach at all but be more in the nature of exploration guides. And even more importantly than that, people who love children, understand children, who love being with children should be paid by the government really high salaries for spending time with children. Today, people in high income groups are involved in work that harm people and the environment. They are overworked, stressed out and spread negativity. Imagine if those who love children could be well rewarded to do the most important job on the planet which could completely reverse the negative trend we humans have set in motion. More than education that moves people towards careers that harm, we need to build relationships, inner connections, habitual joy, introspection, dreaming, faith in dreams, deep trust in Life...It is a huge change in direction for education and humankind.

[Laura Weldon]

I agree that children feel powerless, and too often adults (or institutions) stomp on their burgeoning selfhood. As with anything, forces in society swing back and forth between extremes, and here in the US I see quite an imbalance in children's lives. Some parents pander to their children. They give them a great deal of personal power, resulting in children who have few limits. Other parents are very restrictive. Their children are hardly permitted to think for themselves. Many children on either end of this spectrum have insufficient time with their parents. They suffer because of it.

I read a wonderful book years ago when my children were babies. It's called the "The Continuum Concept" by Jean Liedloff. Basically it says that each baby is born knowing what it needs---to be held, breastfed and remain close to his or her nurturer day and night. Modern child-rearing standards don't change that inborn need, even if the child seems to adapt to separation and artificial food. The early in-arms phase, when the infant requires holding as tribes throughout time have held their babies in slings, expands to a more casual phase when young children have freedom to play and learn within close proximity to loved ones. Here's a site to check out related articles if anyone is interested http://www.continuum-concept.org/reading.html

I love your ideas for making 'schools' into centers of learning led by those who love children and function as guides to exploration. You are so right, people who make high incomes are often working for goals that do not sustain life while those who work with children are creating the future. The whole shape of education will have to change. I'd love to see your ideas get out there!