being in the flow

[Laura Weldon]

You're probably familiar with the concept of what psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi has termed, the "flow." He says, "...It is what the sailor holding a tight course feels when the wind whips through her hair....It is what a painter feels when the colors on the canvas begin to set up a magnetic tension with each other, and a new thing, a living form, takes shape...." Children in particular are energized by their interests. They can concentrate so fully that they lose sense of themselves, of time, even of discomfort.
I'll give an example from my life.
When I was in my early grades, ages from seven to nine, I was drawn to the woods behind our home. As soon as I stepped under the tall trees I was set apart from the sorrows of dying grandparents and childish wants. I felt as if I could ignore the smaller "me" entirely by giving myself over to imagination. In the woods I practiced what I thought were Native ways of walking. I tried to be soundless and invisible, gently stepping so I would leave no imprint. I had a small haven of my own back there. It was really a tiny leaf-covered rise no bigger than a grave, with small trees on either side. There I would sit as quietly as possible in hopes that I might see and hear the secrets of the forest. Many times I left offerings of food. I was usually disappointed to find the next day that animals found no nutritional value in the suburban snacks I'd smuggled out of the house. Time, temperature and hunger had no effect on me in the woods. I was fitting into something larger than myself.
Can you talk about a time when you were pulled by the current of a project or interest? Can you talk about flow or factors that precipitate that state in children? I would love to start a discussion, particularly centered in childhood although all aspects are important.

[Leslie Ellen Boomer]

I've felt this type of flow when deeply involved in reflective writing, journaling, sometimes Theological Reflection... Thinking deeply about an experience and examining it from all sides. Considering how an event or conversation impacted me on an emotional level - a spiritual level. How others involved were motivated or touched or wounded. I'll look for the significance that may be in the event - the lesson or purpose that's far below the surface and then consider the "so what" of it all as I wrap it up...

It takes time to do this; time that seems remarkably elusive these days. But I learn from these exersises and think that if we taught children to do this they'd learn more. Sounds like a report but I'm suggesting asking a child to think about an activity or trip and consider how they might be different inside or out after the experience. Take a hair cut for example - how could a child's reflection on a hair cut help them to learn more about themselves - about how who they are and how they act/react impacts those that care for them?

I know when I was a little girl I tried to do this, in a way. I would write my feelings when I was upset or lonely or feeling rejected. I'd share the words with others in hopes to find a better way of communicating or getting along. The results were not always very positive... But if children were taught to reflect on activities or feelings or events perhaps there would growth in understanding oneself and others.

Just a thought...

[Urmila Anna Samson]

Yes! Reflection, introspection as a habit/discipline/being in the flow is I think (now that you mention it), one of the most important skills a person can learn. I have been practicing this consciously for over three years now, and so have my husband and 15 year old. We often share and discuss with each other, and our younger boys definitely overhear and become familiar with the whole thing. Our lives, since then have taken such dramatic turns, and we have reached a state of health I had not imagined possible.

Perhaps I would not use the word 'teach'. Maybe I am biased against direct teaching. I am all for being 'in the flow', and then there are those who slip in and flow along, and those who choose a different path, and even there are those who create something altogether new from the same thing that I can then learn from...

[Laura Weldon]

Ah my friend. You are so right. There's so much more to be learned when we reflect. Our culture is focused a great deal on the outer aspects of any experience, and sadly even many of our spiritual practices simply tell us what our inner aspects should be. Reflection is a powerful tool. I shudder when I see so many children watching DVD's in passing cars. Even those meditative moments of looking out the windows at passing scenery that so often mesmerize a child are now replaced with processed, predigested time.

I am naturally this sort of person, always looking for the significance and meaning along the way. Sometimes to my detriment perhaps. I suspect some of us are "wired" to be reflective and others are not. Many times my daughter has rolled her eyes and warned her brothers that, "Mom's off on the Deeper Meaning in This Moment tangent." The world needs all of us----those who insist a haircut means nothing other than a commercial transaction resulting in shorter fibers growing from the head as well as those who find a haircut sparks mythical resonance or a message about the impermanence of the human form.

[Urmila Anna Samson]

Recently, things like the one you mentioned about the DVDs in passing cars have been troubling me a lot. During the last few years India, and particularly our city of Pune, has seen an influx of 'everything US'. Malls, food and retail chains, fast cars, increasing air travel, to name a few. I believe it is an injustice to put all the colourful stuff in front of children (and adults and poor people with rapidly increasing incomes), and then say "do not indulge". Everyone wants everything, and now we can afford it. My own life is so much more material than it was in childhood. Every time I want to not add an extra comfort to our home/for our family, I realize that in developed countries those things are necessities, not luxuries, and I succumb! If I cannot resist, how can I ask my children or anyone else to?